The Blog Title Says It All

Nothing like waking up at 5 am to the sounds and smell of rain : ) The view out my window isn't the rainforest that I imagine, but it'll do. 

It's take me 9 months, but I have finally resolved this tension between posting non-research related things on my "Watson" blog - create another blog!

It came to me while meditating, which is something I have gotten out of the habit of doing lately. I am going to try to do it more frequently though. I am slowly realizing the true value in it. It helps me better understand myself and what I want.

I see exercise as having a component of self-improvement in it and thus have an easier time making time for it. Yesterday, as I was running intervals on the soccer field down by the river near my home in Taipei, I pushed myself until I failed. I gave up. I couldn't sprint any longer. To me this is a valuable exercise is self-improvement because if I can push myself to failure in physical activity, I can do it in other parts of my life.  And if I can consistently push myself to failure, I will be building emotional strength.

However, a phrase from some random famous guy - I looked it up, turns out it's Peter Drucker - goes like this: "There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all." This is the lens through which I can better value meditation. As I have come to learn more about myself, I have realized that I really don't know what I want.

I have a general idea about certain things - friends, family, meaningful work, comfortable lifestyle - but the problem I run into is that I often know "what" I want, but not really "why" I want it. Unless I know the "why" I can't really the justify the "what". And as I have looked back on my life and said "wow, I was really an idiot there", often that is the result of not knowing why I want something. Most of the time when I am pursuing something that deep down I don't really "want" or perhaps isn't good for me, the "want" is rooted in insecurity, or a shallow desire. Because I don't think it through, or don't realize my motivation, I waste my own and other people's physical and emotional energy and time.

So - I devote a few hours every other day to exercise for self-improvement. I should probably devote at least a half hour each day for meditation. Not only will I be more relax, but it will also help me figure out what I want. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my thoughts on self-discovery, so there will be many more thoughts to come.

Other than just rambling about meditation I wanted to write the blog post that I wanted to write, but couldn't because it wasn't "polished" and I hadn't made the time to polish it. I'll actually include that in another post to be more organized.

It's amazing how relieved I am to have a blog that I can just ramble on. In the spirt of self-discovery, it's amazing how big of a doofus I can be. But at least I occasionally have moments where I can realize how big of a doofus I really am.  *happy sign*